通向我心里的路是我们高三晚自习一起回家的那一条。

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说
夜半信仰丛白剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候想你更多
如果你也听说有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我胸口依然温柔

原来的它是一块格子小布，或许是有粉色花朵的白色小布，吸水、柔软。
现在的它是一片薄薄的玻璃，也可能是一块薄冰，坚硬但是却很脆弱。

今天进了陈杨的空间，
看到他写到曾经我很沉迷的杀人游戏，
因为来了美国就再也没有玩了。
被提及的时候也只是说很遗憾找不到人玩而已。
没想到我曾经这么痴迷依赖的活动，
当它消失的时候我也无动于衷。
或许我打心底其实并就不是个容易对一个东西产生长久感情的人，
或许我就是那么一个冷血的人。
所谓的念旧 只是因为爱上了那么一种关系，
一种让你一看到就心生温柔的关系。
和我在一起十几年的琵琶也比不过心里反射光芒的钢琴。
走过那么多的路和桥，通向我心里的路是我们高三晚自习一起回家的那一条。
看过这么多的美景，外婆坟山上桃花盛开的时候依然印在我的脑海里。
绿袖子超越所有美妙的音乐。

我爱一切蹂躏我内心的关系。
分明我有快乐的童年，我有爱我的父母和值得信赖的朋友。
就是这样使我更确定我是一个心灵自虐的人。
那也就是我拥有很多却依然不快乐的原因。

即使是这样分不清感情和关系的我，
也还是希望有更多你们的爱渗透我心。

Maybe I like tragedy(-.,-)

I went to watch movie with chi Thi and MZ  today.

It’s complicated.

The moment i entered the cinema,

i was not in the mood to watch comedy…

Then i guess i like tragedy…

Is it people will become really emotional when it’s raining days?

I don’t know.

I miss my friends and my family so much these days.

Tomorrow is the day that I’ve been in US for a whole year.

I hope everything would be better in 2010.

Happy New Year. ^_^

i feel myself disappeared。

No email, no txt, no facebook, no xiaonei

Because i lost my cellphone and no wifi in the hotel…

I hate it!!!

I miss you !!!  Chi Thi, 叫兽, Christina, Hongrui and Jerry!!!

I love Columbia, it’s much much prettier than NY!!

I felt so depressed when nothing special come to me.

I don’t understand, Hilton is so expensive but they charge for wifi.

Actually I didn’t know what to say anyway.

A weird feeling is always there but i can not say it out.

I want to go back to Columbia, I don’t want to go back to Columbia, I want to visit you, I don’t want to visit you. I want to go back to China, I don’t want to go back to China, I want to be with you, I don’t want to be with you, I miss you, i don’t miss you. I want to find out the truth, I don’t want to know anything… .

Everytime I feel something is wrong,

I just want to escape from it.

They told me don’t ask  too many questions,

but i still want the truth. I don’t like the truth though.

So I carefully, carefully try to find out something by myself.

Maybe just by my imagination.

Why can’t just I let it be?

Christmas trip:

Main purpose: Shopping

But the time we went shopping is less than 6 hours.

Where:

Korean town almost everyday. Japanese Market.

All kinds of subway stations& museum.

Chinatown. SOHO. Washington DC.

What:

Drink. Sofa is so crowded. Korean food. Hotpot. Baozi(OMG!). Real milk tea.

Who:

Korean guys. Japanese girl. friends.

How:

So crowded and dirty in New York

It was freezing on Brooklyn bridge at night

Little Lamb hotpot is fake(T_T) but not bad

Whitehouse is so small

Museums are so big

Asians are everywhere

Japanese Market is so small

Sashimi there is so cheap

Baozi was so delicous

I hate raining

Greyhound is not friendly at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw Pipa in the metropolitan museum, so proud of myself.

I love central park

My luggage is too heavy

I am so regret that I ask a stranger to mail all my new clothes home.

Hopefully I can get it 5 days later.

在纽约呆了4天，感觉什么都没做。

唯一做的事，貌似开始了一段诡异的暗恋，也是没有意义的事情。

College Life.

When we first enter the college:

Study hard!

First week:

Second Week:

Before mid-term exams:

I’m so smart

Buring mid-term exams:

After min-term exams:

I can do better on finals…

Final exams are coming…

Not a big deal…

When get to know the exams’ schedule:

7 days befor finals:

Productive study needs good sleep.

6 days before finals:

Music helps you relax.

5 days before finals:

Study in the library.

4 days before finals:

Why it’s so hard?

3 days before finals:

ahhh, too hard for me!!!

2 days before finals:

Study make me have a headache!!

1 day before finals:

I’d rather have headache than study…

The night before the exam:

OMG, i am soooo sleepy.

One hour before the exam:

I don’t care any more!!

During the exam:

Endless darkness…

After the exam:

I am a miserable kid…

About the prof:

He/She is such a picky person!!!

Just kidding.:-)

Wild Wings.

What a ballin’ day!

worst case scenrio?

Ripped off

click here edit

Please miss me as much as i miss you.

熊木杏里的歌：もろともにあはれと思へ山桜　はなよりほかにしる人もなし

Anri Kumaki says: もろともにあはれと思へ山桜　はなよりほかにしる人もなし

山櫻，請你像我懷念你一樣懷念我。在這山林深處，除了花，我誰都不認識了。

Dear Cherry Blossom,

please think of me as how i think of you.

In the darkest place of this mountain, i know nobody except the flowers.

淳说：希望你也像我想你一樣的想我，在這個安靜的世間，除了你，全都是幻覺。

Chun said: i hope you can miss me as much i miss you.

In this quiet world, all the things are illusions except you.

我想你们了。

I miss you.

我们都很爱5毛钱的糖水冰棒。

We both love sugered popsicle, they are only 8 cents.

只有最后一个寿司了。

Who wants the last sushi.?

黄小欣说：诶亚，跟你照相我要站后面，脸小些。

She said,

i have to stand behind you when we taking pics,

that makes my face smaller.

生病了，在医院等结果，爸爸和我都很担心。

爸爸说：诶，别担心，来我们照张相。

I was sick, waiting for the result from the doctor,

my father and i were both worried.

he said: don’t worry, let’s take a picture.

暑假回国了，妈妈说Photo Booth很好玩。

When i went back home in summer,

my mom said Photo Booto is interesting.

2009.07.19

2009.08.31

刚来美国的时候，我还是个杨小笨，

居然也还相信这个世界上所有的事情都是美好的。

虽然暂时会被各种小阴暗小欲望蒙蔽，但是身边的每个人本性都是善良的。

感动，信任，真诚被我认为是无处不在的东西。

我也相信现在吃的所有苦，全部都是以后美好生活的铺垫。

但是最近却发现事实和我想象的差的远了：

在我认为会让人折寿三年的搬家以后，

我也还以为我从此就可以享受在香草味的我房间里睡到自然醒。

结果怎样？

在我选择相信不去左右别人任何想法的以后，

我也还因为自己单纯偷偷笑出声。

但是在那之后的之后阿，

曾经被我讨厌的心机阿计划阿策略阿手段阿，却突然变的如此珍贵。

或许我从未适应这个世界潮湿混乱的一面，我想。

不然何许的缘由足以起伏动荡自己的情绪。

突然感觉自己的思想在渐渐衰退，开始不容易看清楚事物，

以前认为无敌的真诚跟温暖在事实面前却还不如一个巴掌来得直接与痛快。

现在的我眼睛浑浊，布满血丝，在这里刺眼的夏日阳光下用力而难以睁开。

视野模糊的时候我开始恐慌，不知道怎样调整情绪，如何淡定，选择合适的表情。

也许我从来没有脱离这样的困顿，

以前的我只是稍微转过身体回避，至少锋芒不至于刺痛双瞳。

偶尔听说这样的人那样的事，

虚妄的欲念在众说纷沓的批判里冰冷且孤立。

我知道它的确是罪魁祸首，

且为自己远离那个庞大的深渊而庆幸。

现在才知道那有多笨，于是我就囧了，面对各种诱惑无所适从。

难道我不是宠物小精灵中的一个吗？不是。

你看皮卡丘进化到雷丘都只要那么一瞬间，

为什么我从杨小笨进化到杨小囧却花掉将近一年？

如果这便是成长，并不让人快乐。

355.